Filling Up

I have a little statue in my flowerbed that is titled “Buddha Birdfeeder.” It wasn’t uncovered during a mystical trip to Tibet or given to me by a great spiritual teacher. Instead, it spoke to me from the clearance shelf at Pier One. I couldn’t leave the store without it. Oh, I tried. I did that responsible thing where you wait a couple of days and then go back if you really need it. Obviously, I really needed it.

I loved the image of the young boy; head bowed with his outreached hands holding a small cup (that's what puts it in the birdfeeder classification I am guessing). You can’t tell if he’s making an offering or waiting for his cup to be filled.

Sometimes I feel like that little Buddha crouching in a garden offering his gifts to the world, and other days I am asking for something, anything, to fall into my empty cup. Most times, I swing from giving to receiving on a moment to moment basis.

Meditation, the very essence of yoga and spiritual growth, is not something that comes easy for me. Luckily, many years ago a friend gave me a magical book and guide to meditating called Words to Live By, Inspiration for Every Day by Eknath Easwaran. Mr. Easwaran, who is so overflowing with loving kindness I am sure he could inspire a spider monkey to meditate, recommends reflecting on the Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi daily. He explains that driving the words deep into your consciousness means they will become an integral part of your personality and expression. In other words, you become the meditation. That gentle and mindful prayer has become a mantra for me. I often fall short of the suggestions, but it is a spiritual muse encouraging me to create a life based on what the moment asks of me, not necessarily doling out what I think it deserves.

The concrete teacher in my garden embodies this prayer for me, especially the words, “Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love. For it is in the giving that we receive; it is in the pardoning that we are pardoned.”

I don’t believe there is a cosmic scorecard tracking how many times you are on the giving or receiving end in this life. The offering up and the soaking in may be more closely related than we think. Givers need receivers as much as receivers need givers.

I would bet my beloved Buddha birdfeeder that the most gracious givers in the world are so because they have spent some time in the receiving line. Maybe our lives are more fluid like a river; sometimes overtaking the banks with generosity and other times retreating to a trickle until we are replenished by a bighearted spring rain.

The times spent lifting our cup and those spent gathering, refining and offering our gifts both require us to pay a visit to our authentic Self, and that’s no walk in the park. Both actions require humbleness, wisdom and moderation.

Giving too much is as fraught with danger as asking for too much. D.H. Lawrence wrote, “Give and it shall be given unto you is still the truth. But giving life is not so easy. It doesn’t mean handing it out to some mean fool or letting the living dead eat you up … It means kindling the life force where it was not, even if it’s only in the whiteness of a washed pocket-handkerchief.” I’m sure there have been volumes of literary papers written on what Lawrence meant by the handkerchief reference. For me, it means true giving has fire in its belly, offering up beauty where there wasn’t, truth where it is needed and simplicity always.

Love happens every minute – flowing, pouring, sloshing and spilling among the outstretched hands of all of us. No measuring cups, funnels or lids required.

I look at the little birdfeeder statue every day when I leave my house and when I come home. It’s a split second of meditation, a place to take a breath of gratitude for my place in this crazy, heartbreakingly beautiful, mixed up garden.